Momentary Relapse

I’ve been thinking about something for weeks
Now why does it all the sudden seem different?
Are my perceptions of reality really that off?
Or does this newly shone light just transform its shape

I never really know how well people know me,
I always assume they don’t at all,
But the things they don’t know don’t really matter,
Not to them at least.
They’ll find out in time.

Personality is best poured out in gradual increments
Not all at once
You continue to get to know someone throughout their life
But I’m always surprised to realize that people know me much better than I thought.
Maybe I am just an open book, whose pages try to hide but are visible for all to see.

Why did I even think I knew you that well?

I feel regret,
For nothing I’ve done.
For what you’ve done,
Yes, I suppose.
But I don’t want you to feel it too.
I don’t want you to ever feel it
So I’ll do the feeling for you
You just keep on living.

That’s the problem with feelings,
And time,
Things just don’t stop here and start there
They are with us for life
So I don’t really know who is referring to what, and when
But does it really matter?
I refer to things that never even happened, that never will happen
I’m just so fucking confusing that you shouldn’t take anything seriously
From me, ever.
But I’m also so sincere and simple,
Please believe me, what I say is true.

I understand and feel all emotion, all the time
I can be everything at once,
Appreciate everything for what it is worth (Worth not meaning anything, really, at all)
And truly deeply feel it.
It’s still part of me, but a very small part
Yet felt with such intensity that it could really be all of me,
It very well could, and it is for the moment
But let’s not kid ourselves here
Isn’t life just one long scene after another?

Who really knows what is acting and what is real,
And if there’s even a difference.
I don’t really care anymore,
It feels the same to me.