Time

Fuck you time,
Why do you have to ruin everything?
But I suppose its not you to blame,
The lack of your presence would be equally disturbing.

We value and interpret you differently,
That’s what our problem is
To me you’ve always been an enemy,
But now you’re not my main concern
Not at all
At other times you’re blissful and calming
When the pressure is at bay
But you feel different all the time
I don’t quite understand you.
I’m partially to blame
I avoided you for many years
Wasn’t that silly?
Not practical at all, but to my mind, it made sense.
I think it’s genetic
I just can’t work around you
So it feels like I need to work against you.

I assumed it would be your fault,
That’s where things were headed
But the funny thing is,
This time you’re not the one to blame.

Maybe we should try to repair things,
So we’ll get along a little better
You stress me out sometimes,
But so far it hasn’t actually mattered.
So let’s set a date,
How ‘bout tomorrow, my friend?
We’ll start from afresh,
And this relationship can mend.

For now, good night
I hope you’re on my side
I’ll give you another chance
And see how you fly by.

Momentary Relapse

I’ve been thinking about something for weeks
Now why does it all the sudden seem different?
Are my perceptions of reality really that off?
Or does this newly shone light just transform its shape

I never really know how well people know me,
I always assume they don’t at all,
But the things they don’t know don’t really matter,
Not to them at least.
They’ll find out in time.

Personality is best poured out in gradual increments
Not all at once
You continue to get to know someone throughout their life
But I’m always surprised to realize that people know me much better than I thought.
Maybe I am just an open book, whose pages try to hide but are visible for all to see.

Why did I even think I knew you that well?

I feel regret,
For nothing I’ve done.
For what you’ve done,
Yes, I suppose.
But I don’t want you to feel it too.
I don’t want you to ever feel it
So I’ll do the feeling for you
You just keep on living.

That’s the problem with feelings,
And time,
Things just don’t stop here and start there
They are with us for life
So I don’t really know who is referring to what, and when
But does it really matter?
I refer to things that never even happened, that never will happen
I’m just so fucking confusing that you shouldn’t take anything seriously
From me, ever.
But I’m also so sincere and simple,
Please believe me, what I say is true.

I understand and feel all emotion, all the time
I can be everything at once,
Appreciate everything for what it is worth (Worth not meaning anything, really, at all)
And truly deeply feel it.
It’s still part of me, but a very small part
Yet felt with such intensity that it could really be all of me,
It very well could, and it is for the moment
But let’s not kid ourselves here
Isn’t life just one long scene after another?

Who really knows what is acting and what is real,
And if there’s even a difference.
I don’t really care anymore,
It feels the same to me.

Searching for Today

Trying to find something that is new,
I shift through crumbling rubble.
Wood creaks and cracks and moans,
I continue to search with much trouble.

Everything is old and comforting,
But I know it isn't safe.
It could fall apart at any moment,
But it might be my saving grace.

An old man wanders slowly by,
And pauses for a minute.
"Are you looking for something you lost" he asks
I could help you if you need it.

I stop and smile and think for a second
No, I reply, there isn't anything lost
But something that is waiting to be found
I can feel it now, it must be near.

Amidst this pile
Of rubble and rust
I have found what I was looking for
It isn't the past, nor is it the future
Its the present, loud and clear.