Sinking

I feel homesick, weak.
Sick from what, I don’t know.
It's my mind that’s hurting,
And my heart.
I don’t seem to notice much else.

I’m not sure what I’m homesick from
Sure, I only just got here
And maybe it doesn’t feel like home yet
But I certainly feel welcome,
And it’s not like I’m missing anywhere else.
My heart is in no other place,
Its just drifting, I guess.
I hope it settles back in here soon.

Why this feeling is so deep
I don’t quite understand.
It really shouldn’t cause this much pain
I’m not sure where to land.
I just want my situation to change,
And then my mind will change along with it.
But I know I need to change my mind first,
That’s the only way my heart will heal.

A new, exciting love
So gentle and understanding
May seem like the best kind of all
Worth anything, worth doing anything for
But an older, more endearing kindness
That will never change
That’s been with me since birth
That’s the kind I’m surrounding with now
I never want to push that aside.

I’m sorry for making myself sick further
It didn’t have to be this way
I’m allowing myself to dwell in my sorrow
Not that I want to, I just can’t make it go away
I could push it aside, and make it seem better
Yet I embrace it and shape it
And let it damage me further
I guess this writing is this only way I can deal with things now
It may make things seem worse
But it makes them more clear
And allows some of the feelings to escape
Rather than dwell tangled and cramped inside.

So much love all around me
I appreciate it so much
There’s just another kind that’s missing
But who can expect to have everything?
I just tasted some blissful bite
And was ready to consume more
But all the sudden it was taken away,
So what am I left to do?

Nothing else has been put on hold
I feel like I’ve just been sitting around crying
But that’s really not the case
There’s so much to do,
That really has nothing to do with you
But your presence is with me, all the same.

Even small glimpses back into friendships
Make me feel so much better
An unexpected conversation with a cherished friend
And I feel like nothing is wrong
A sunny walk down the sidewalk lined with chirping birds
And all is right with the world
But I always return to this sinking feeling,
I can’t make it go away.
Maybe it isn’t meant to leave just yet,
I suppose I’ll have to let it stay.