Saving what I can

Microsoft Office asks:
Do you want to save the changes to heartache?
Do you want to save the changes to ------- ?
How about time, and time2?
Of course I do,
I wish it were that simple -
Just a click of the mouse,
And I could change the way things are.

But all I have is writing,
This keyboard listens to whatever I say,
It enables my fingers without emotion.
What if my fingers were to break?
I wouldn’t be able to pour all this out
As rapidly as it passes through my brain,
And settles down inside.

It’s hard enough to keep up now,
And I hate to say it,
But my thought processes
Are replacing themselves with poetry.
My feelings running through my head
Come out it short, sequenced lines.
Oh, that ones decent, I think
But I can’t write it all down
It’s chaining me,
I need to move on and focus on other things,
I can’t reflect everything I feel.
But although it seems I keep saying the same things over and again
There is never room for it all.
I need to do something else,
But this is all I know right now,
The only thing keeping me here
The only way I know how to deal.

I finally start to feel a bit better
But then I find myself writing again
Why am I doing this to myself?
I’m in a room full of hundreds of people
All studying, reading, typing
But I feel so alone
I want to be even more alone though
I want to disappear
Why am I still here?
This is just a guise to pass the time
But I have more I need to do
I should be doing it now
I guess I just hoped I would have more to entertain myself with first.

But I’m grateful for the good news I’ve been given
I really hope it ends out well
It’s given me hope at least,
And taken my mind off these things.
Someone I care about so much needs me right now
But I can’t be there, I wish I could
I just need to finish off things here first.

It’s so beautiful out,
It reminds me of you.
The sun, its warmth
The way it emanates happiness in a way nothing else could.
It’s also the only thing that helps me forget about you,
There’s no way to feel sad when the sky is beaming.
My bus was stopped by a parade, I’m not even joking
And the pride of people waving their flags
Filled me with a new joy.
I can’t even believe how many people are out today,
Covering every ounce of space.
It gives me hope, I guess
Reminds me of the way people enjoy simple things
There’s still lots of room left
In my life for that.

The people I saw today
Made me feel so much better
I didn’t hardly feel upset at all
Of course I was asked about ‘him’ twice
And as I elaborated on with how I felt
I thought I was going to lose it
But it was nice that someone cared
I can’t begin on how nice it is.
Your friendship embraces like a warm, comforting hug
It comes at a time when only coldness has been on my mind.
I guess I need you just as much as any other,
I’m so glad to be here while I can.